Can an Existential Crisis be a gift?

I’d like to be clear, an existential crisis can be a horrible experience.  

It's disorienting, destabilizing, and feels like you're coming apart. I know because I've been through a couple of them.

But I've learned it’s part of a process of ending and beginning. When I say crisis can be a gift, I'm talking about something specific. It's about allowing an old sense of self to shed and someone new to develop.

If you look at natural systems, things need to die off before the new can regenerate. The same is true for our sense of self, our identity.

But it can feel like an unwanted gift (at first). It’s an uncomfortable passage to something new that's wanting to come through. Although it feels more like the most unwelcome thing you didn’t ask for or even want. Unfortunately, you don’t get a ‘returns label’ with this one.

When I Outgrew Myself

For context, I'm speaking from experience. I was a photographer for most of my 30s, super focussed on money, growth and what I perceived was success.

As I approached my 40th birthday, I thought I’d nailed it. The business was great, plenty of money, years of shoots and happy clients.  But the closer the impending number 40  grew, the more a strong sense of emptiness grew in me. I wanted to walk away from the whole thing. The business, the identity, the money, everything. I was done and it really didn’t make sense at the time.

On reflection, I'd literally outgrown this version of myself and I couldn't change the way I felt.

There was so much invested in what I'd worked for that letting go felt like I’d gone mad - “what was I doing?” I’d continuously ask myself. But on an instinctual level,  had to let go of who I'd been for the last decade.

It was confusing and disorienting. There was huge resistance and it was scary.

But the courage to let go and step into the new allowed me to grow in ways I couldn't have imagined. I went on to become skilled and immerse myself in yoga. Then I went on to train and build a private psychotherapeutic practice. It took a while, but through the process, I learned about effect of ‘attachment’ and that holding on was actually the problem.

Why Your Brain Fights You

The resistance I felt lived in my stomach as much as in my thinking.

Our body has a physical response to this kind of thing. Our emotions are biochemical and powerful - they are driving us. And our mind is psychological - the stories we tell ourself about who we (believe) we are can be entrenched. The resistance comes from all three levels.

But the biggest resistance? Fear. Fear of letting go and fear of uncertainty.

Here's what's actually happening in your brain. Your brain creates mental maps, internal references for everything you might encounter in the world. Those maps include your identity: who you are, what you've done, what you like, what you don't.

When something destabilizing comes along, it disrupts the entire system. Neuroscientists call these error signals in predictive brain processing. In psychology, we call it cognitive dissonance. When reality and belief are at odds, it feels uncomfortable and destabilizing. Your brain is hardwired to keep you safe. Uncertainty and the unknown feel threatening. The desire to stay with what's known is powerful.

But discomfort is simply a feeling. When I figured this out, things changed.

Crisis Means Decision

Here's something most people don't know. The word crisis comes from the Greek krisis, which means to decide.

Existential means a threat to one's being. In this context, a threat to one's ego or identity.

So an existential crisis is actually a decision point about who you're becoming.

Something is dying away, which means something new is coming through. The question is: how will you navigate it?

When I work with founders who are experiencing an existential crisis, I notice a pattern. It usually start with ‘what mattered’ has fallen away or they’ve had enough of being a version of themselves which no longer fits. They’ve had enough.

That "had enough" point is different for everyone. But we know it when it arrives.  It's normally followed swiftly by a decision: “I want to change this. I don't want to do this anymore”. For me, I had a strong feeling and thought which said, “I’m ready to face this change. I’m ready to become a new version of myself”.

That's the tipping point. The crisis. The decision moment.

Making Discomfort Work For You

Discomfort starts to become a signal for growth when you understand what it's actually telling you. Clearly, you need self-awareness. Avoiding generic labels like "I’m stressed" or "anxious." but a real understanding of what discomfort feels like.

When I work with founders, we break it down to three levels:

Physical: What does it feel like in your body? Where do you feel sensations? Can you name them specifically?

Emotional: What emotions are present? Can you be nuanced instead of just saying "afraid"? Can you name the specific emotion?

Psychological: What thoughts are running? What story are you telling yourself about the situation or about yourself?

When you understand the physical, emotional, and psychological structure of discomfort, you can be with it. This gives you freedom. This gives you control.

Discomfort that stops you becomes a problem. Discomfort that allows you to grow becomes an asset.

The Space Between Identities

Letting go is a conscious act. It's not giving up but a deliberate choice.

Accepting feelings and thoughts and a bit confusion, but with a sense of trust. Real trust. Inner trust that says: I will be okay. I have courage. I am ready for this. When you have this understanding at a deep level, the void becomes the space where a new sense of self is born.

Research shows that 54% of founders experienced burnout in the past year. Many are in crisis whether they name it or not.

If you're there right now, know this: your brain can update its predictive processing. You can grow beyond the old identity and step into someone new.

I know because I’ve been through this and worked with other to do the same. Who you are becoming really is wonderful. 

The crisis isn't happening TO you. It's happening FOR you.